Only the Babylon Bee, do not panic

Go ahead, make my..

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the rumor mill still churning despite the Secret Service closing its investigation, President Joe Biden blamed the presence of cocaine in the West Wing of the White House on a black man who used to live there.

“One of those suspicious colored fellas used to live here,” Biden said to reporters assembled on the White House lawn as he came outside for his morning recess time. “Black folks are always dealing drugs, which is why I pushed so hard to incarcerate them decades ago. Nobody listened. Now, one of them lived here for years. He was a bad dude. Borfarginbinder.”

Only the Babylon Bee, do not panic .. stare vacantly while picking your teeth…

Ever since a white powder that later tested positive for cocaine was discovered in the White House, speculation has run rampant that it may have belonged to President Biden’s son, Hunter. “People are trying to say it belonged to my son, but that’s an awful thing to say because my son passed away years ago,” Biden said. “It’s time for us to move on, just like the black fella who lived here before. He doesn’t live here anymore, he just calls me up every day and tells me what I need to do. Mint chocolate chip.”

As Biden was being led away, he was heard muttering about the White House’s former tenants. “Whatever happened to that guy?” he asked. “And what about his wife — the tall, burly fella?”

At publishing time, administration officials also confirmed that drugs found in Hunter Biden’s car and home also belonged to a previous black resident of the White House. [end]


Nick Lopez, American Thinker: ‘If drugs were found in your house’ ….

Mmmmmm …. Back to reality and if a baggie of coke were found in your house by federal agents, the assumption would be that it belonged to the primary resident (owner or renter).  The next assumption would be that (no matter the amount found), that person is a “kingpin” …this means that they seize all assets, especially cash.

Now, that they assume you are the equivalent of Pablo Escobar, in order to not be charged as a “kingpin,” you have to set up the person who sold the drugs to you. This is how it has worked for the entirety of the drug war. They don’t even have to find drugs if you are pulled over and they find cash.  They just take the cash, even if you can prove it came from legitimate sources.

They don’t take fingerprints from baggies, they don’t watch video surveillance. They squeeze you until someone goes to jail… and someone always goes to jail. They don’t knock, they kick the door down. They don’t make announcements to the press, they don’t ask the suspects questions.  No one ever knows an investigation is happening until the tri-county/federal/state drug task force posts 33 mugshots on the evening news.

There isn’t ever a trial, they make the possible trial sentence so ridiculously long that everyone just pleas out. Federal agents found cocaine in the White House. Joe Biden’s name is on the lease. According to established police practice, the coke belongs to the person whose name is on the lease, until that person hands over someone else… A bigger fish.

What possible “bigger fish” could the President of the United States offer?  This should be a really big deal. The head of the Biden crime family should be cooling his heels in the slammer while all his assets are seized and accounted for, after all, he might be a dealer or even a kingpin!

As a matter of fact, cocaine found in a residence is the perfect excuse to look into the First Family’s and entire White House staff’s finances, really deeply… and drug test them all, every day (cocaine users can easily evade a monthly drug test, as it only stays detectable for a day or two).

We can’t risk the White House becoming a crack house! The DEA must investigate this further, and that always starts with a no-knock raid! [end]

Full link below with other….

Only the Babylon Bee, do not panic. Fetid hutzpah draws dementia Joe…

Had the baggie been found in Trump’s White House, the entire staff would be frog-marched out dressed in orange, including Orange Man. They’d have video and audio evidence, and would’ve quarantined the entire White House until it was thoroughly cleaned by a hazmat team. THAT!

Hazmat will need to fumigate the entire building after Pedo FJB* vacates … piles of Depends … urine everywhere … It really pays to be a demoMarxocrat if you’re a drug addict or a crook because nothing will happen to you – absolutely nothing! Perhaps that’s Merry Garbled’s job, which he takes very seriously. “Laws for thee, but not for me…”

A man named Matt Hoover once went to trial being accused of distributing machine guns. What was the machine gun? An image on a piece of metal that nobody ever cut out to show a jury if it even would work when installed in a very specific AR-15 with a very specific type of bolt. The feds convinced a jury of his peers that a picture of a part is a machine gun. Many juries are seriously populated with fools and ignoramuses.

Off to jail for 10+ years. Because he didn’t take the plea and fought an opponent with billions of dollars in resources and thousands of people working to put us in cages… and a jury of doofuses to readily nod their heads yup yup yup yup yup. Only the Babylon Bee, do not panic. THAT!

Onward and upward – time for today’s MAGA Pill – Warrior-President Donald John Trump – MAGA! – KAG!