After My Election I Have More Flexibility : Basketball

Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher knew exactly what the state of the world was going to be when she famously declared:

“The Russians are bent on world dominance, and they are rapidly acquiring the means to become the most powerful imperial nation the world has seen. The men in the Soviet Politburo do not have to worry about the ebb and flow of public opinion. They put guns before butter, while we put just about everything before guns.” 

Our Generalissimo Field Marshal hunkered down and poring over military maps knows not the difference between Ukraine and Uganda, Crimea and Caledonia, Sevastopol and Seville. And why should he? After all, those places have several letters of the alphabet in common. It’s enough for the Greatest Leader of all Times and Epochs to know that they lie, as Bobby Darin once crooned, “somewhere beyond the sea.” Perhaps across that very same sea whose rise his ascension was guaranteed to quell.

But if the sea is not yet stilled, maybe the Greatest Diplomat and Strategist in History can walk across the water and meet old Vlad the Bad from Leningrad at Yalta, a place of such pleasant memory for Americans negotiating with their Russian friends and admirers. After all, the fearless leader declared  “After my election I have more flexibility,” so let’s do the Basketball bracket for the Final Four. There. Solved. But, should the backward, nineteenth century-minded Russians prove impervious to his charms, the Father and Teacher of the American People can threaten to unleash J.F. Kerry and H. R. Clinton to tear the Bear to shreds. Even now, Putin cowers in the Kremlin, quaking at the possibility.

Add the US Drive-by Media spending 2 weeks looking for an airplane 24/7, and we descend into the Twilight Zone of never in our wildest dreams imagining that WE THE PEOPLE could ever have allowed the Republic to be taken over by such naïve stupidity, ineptitude, and infantile paralysis that this fraud has brought upon us. God help us in our distress, and let our cry come unto thee …

Well, at least we know he’s not a Cossack. “We are not going to be getting into a military excursion in Ukraine,” our president commander has declared. Who says a Nobel Peace Prize is not a good investment? We’re surprised he didn’t travel to Fulton, Missouri, to announce the following. “What we are going to do is mobilize all of our diplomatic resources to make sure that we’ve got a strong international coalition that sends a clear message.” Getting nervous, are you Mr. Putin? Or has your translator not dared to translate? We all remember the fate of the one who caused Uncle Joe to get giddy.

How do we mobilize our diplomatic resources? By imposing sanctions, naturally. Singling out a few nonentities is a good beginning, but perhaps they should be stigmatized as one-percenters as well. Can we also add some muscle, some teeth, some indication that we’re hitting Putin’s putzes where it hurts? Let’s start with a few luxury items. Chewing gum, Tom Collins mix, Brute aftershave.


And let us never, ever, forget the infamous intimation uttered in “secret” shall we?  “This is my last election. After my election I have more flexibility .. I understand. I will transmit this information to Vladimir.”